


Deep Thoughts and Lemon Squares

by alovething



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Fluff, No Slash, Points of View, Romance, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-27
Updated: 2004-11-27
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alovething/pseuds/alovething
Summary: It seems like mostly everyone on this site deeply loathes Michael, even making him the bad guy. Mikey is a good guy, he's just a little jealous and confused. This story is about Michael watching Brian and Justin at the diner and realizing that he's glad Brian is finally happy, even if it isn't with him.





	Deep Thoughts and Lemon Squares

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

I walked into the diner to get some lemon squares for dinner later, and to say hi to Ma, but what I didn’t expect was to see Brian and Justin there in the middle of the day. I tried for a moment to be offended, I wanted to stalk over there and make some snide remark towards the blonde and disrupt their little moment, but I just couldn’t. Instead I dropped into a seat at the diner and watched them.

The two were seated in the last booth at the back of the diner, both of them on one side, sitting so they were facing each other. Brian’s body was leaning in towards Justin’s and vice versa. There just seemed to be this energy around them that no one could ignore. Brian had this big smile on his face, not his usual smirk, but a big fat grin. Those are rare. 

Justin had that wide toothy grin that had earned him his nickname. The couple just looked genuinely happy. It made me smile in spite of myself. Brian leaned forward and gave the blonde a kiss that was very chaste for Brian fucking Kinney, but that wasn’t the case. The kiss was sweet, soft, and slow. The way Ben kisses me before he leaves for the university, or just because. Justin blushes, actually turns crimson because of the kiss. It’s cute actually. 

“Quite a sight, ain’t it?” Ma asks me, her gaze following my own. 

“They’re beautiful.” I say softly, not sure who I surprised more by that comment, Ma or myself. She just gives me a little look, the one she gives me when I’ve done or said something that makes her proud. She pinches my cheeks and I smile. She pours me a cup of coffee and goes back to her duties. I go back to the sight in front of me. 

I studied Justin for a moment. His blonde hair. Damn, when did it get so long? Justin was a gorgeous creature, though you’d never hear me say that. I felt a bit ashamed when I remembered how I treated the kid in the beginning. Pretended to downright loathe him. It was never Justin I hated. It was the idea of him. 

For years Brian and I have been the best of best friends, and saved for the huge crush I had on him in high school, that was it. That was all I felt. I’ve watched Brian go with countless tricks, gone after him in the backroom after a late night out, and never felt an inkling of anything.

So why was it that when Justin came along, it all changed? I was confused and scared, just downright weirded out. Here was this little twink, and Brian was actually giving him the time of day _after_ a fuck. It was during the beginning of Brian and Justin’s pseudo relationship when I realized it. I was really fucking in love with Brian. I had no clue, but then when someone else came into the picture, there it was. I found myself dealing with these feelings I thought I had gotten over when I was sixteen.

Obviously not. They were just buried in my self-conscience; confident in the fact no one would get into Brian’s heart. But then someone did. Some high school senior was slowly tearing down those walls I had watched Brian build. 

It was all those little things that made my heart twinge. Like when the way Emmett would kiss Justin’s neck from behind and Brian would tug on the front of the blonde’s shirt until their lips met in a kiss that just looked toe curling. Things like that just made me sad. I knew I was being stupid and selfish. But at the time it was so easy to just blame everything on Justin rather than facing it on my own.

Things changed when Justin was attacked. When I walked into that fucking hospital and saw Brian, I knew just how much he loved that kid. Brian didn’t cry. Brian didn’t show emotion. Brian didn’t attend high school proms with a boyfriend just out of puberty. Christ, Brian didn’t even do boyfriends. But there he was, sitting there, tears just flowing from pained hazel eyes because his blonde boyfriend got his skull bashed in with a baseball bat at the prom.

It killed me to see Brian that way. I sat there and stroked his hair and prayed Justin would wake up and take that look out of his eyes. And as I looked into his eyes those three days after the bashing, I knew I had to get over myself and move on. That’s one of the reasons I went to Portland. 

But yeah, I fucked that up in a jiffy. So back to the Pitts, and back to Brian. The Brian I came back to scared the shit out of me. He was a drop down mess. When I saw that bloody scarf around his neck, I wanted to cry. I wanted everything to be ok. 

Then it was. Just like that. Justin and Brian were back together. They were living together. My feelings for Brian slowly dissolved. I know they weren’t completely gone, but for away enough for me to like Justin, and like Justin with Brian.

That turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me, because Justin and I created Rage. Things seemed to be going great, saved for the time Brian pissed over all our work. Thinking back on that makes me mad and makes me laugh all at the same time. 

Just when I thought I was totally over Brian and happy for the two of them, I see Justin kissing the fiddler. After that, all bets were off. I hated him again. And I loved Brian again. Funny how things work out. 

Then at the Rage party, when Justin left with that guy, Ian, Edward, or something like that, that look in Brian’s eyes came back. The look from the hospital waiting room. So I was left utterly confused. I wanted Justin gone, but at the same time, I wanted him to come back and make that fucking look go away. But then, Brian kept coming to me to comfort him, and those feelings came back. I just kept pushing them away. I told Justin to leave, and immediately felt guilty. That whole fiasco was just so hard. 

I was just as glad as the rest of our little dysfunctional family when the two got back together. Then it was at Babylon, when Ben called it ‘the most historic reunification since Germany’ when I thought to myself, ‘well fuck Mikey, now you gotta get over Brian again.’ 

Easier said then done. I still battle with these feelings for Brian and my resentment towards Justin. I love Justin as a friend, but at the same time he’s the stupid little twink who tamed the great Brian Kinney. That was supposed to be my job dammit. 

I sigh and look back over at the pair in question. Justin is pressing a spoonful of ice cream sundae at the entrance of Brian’s lips. He eventually relents and lets Justin feed him, earning him a giggle and a small kiss from the blonde. They kiss again, so tenderly, and Justin turns around and sits between Brian’s legs, resting his hands on Brian’s knees and his back against his chest. Brian wrapped his arms around and held him so tight, like he was a precious artifact that could be blown away with a strong enough gust of wind. But then again, that’s probably what Justin was to Brian. Justin closed his eyes and absently ran his fingers up and down Brian’s forearms. Brian breathes deeply into Justin’s hair, and he gets that smile. 

The smile I only see when he’s holding Justin. It’s a beautiful smile, and I love seeing it on Brian. That’s when I realize it. If I love that smile, I love seeing Brian hold Justin. If I love seeing Brian hold Justin, I must love them being together. I do love it. It makes both of them so damn happy, and that makes me feel happy. 

I laugh inwardly at myself. I sound like such an idiot. I watch the couple awhile longer, and realize I that as much as I want to loath Justin, I just can’t. They’re too damn good together.

“Earth to Michael!” Ma said fondly, snapping me back to reality with a soft slap to the side of the head. I grunt in response but don’t take my eyes of my best friend and his lover. 

“That’s love, isn’t it Ma?” I ask, finally looking at her.

“Damn right it is. Those two just make me want to fuckin’ cry.” She looks over at them and back at me. “I know you love Brian, sweetheart.” I nod, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever actually admitted it.

“But that’s how it supposed to be isn’t it? Brian and Justin, not Brian and Michael.” I say that last bit as more of a statement, nodding in the direction of the pair, who were now holding hands.

“That’s right sweetheart. It’s Brian and Justin, and Michael and Ben. You seem to be forgetting about that drop dead gorgeous professor waiting for you at home.” She smiles at me, her hand on my cheek.

“I know, but it’s hard to just push aside these feelings. They’re kind of all I’ve ever known. For the longest time, I just kinda figured me and Brian would end up together. But watching those two,” he paused as Justin playfully bit Brian’s finger, causing the older man to let out an unmanly yelp and start to tickle Justin in retaliation, “I know I have to let it go. I love those two being together. Everything seems right when they are. So, here’s where I order some lemon bars to go, and walk out of this diner with my head held high, leaving my high school crush behind me.” I give her a little smile and she gives me that proud look again and nods. She pinches my cheek and packs a Styrofoam box chock full of the sickeningly sweet concoctions.

I get my lemon squares from Ma and get up from the counter. Tomorrow is a big day. Hunter’s custody hearing is tomorrow. As I walk towards the door, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I look back at Justin and Brian one last time. Their eyes are closed and they are oblivious to the world in their own little corner of heaven. They are together and that’s exactly how it should be, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.


End file.
